Review: vidalia chop wizard

Gandalf.  Merlin.  Albus Dumbledore.  All fine wizards.

But could any of them cut a carrot into uniform chunks within a few seconds?

Doubtful.  They’d be too busy apparating or shape shifting or conjuring fire or other wizard-type activities to bother with such trivialities.

So, the Vidalia Chop Wizard is better than the finest literary wizards… as far as vegetable slicing goes, anyhow.

Though it wasn’t all that great at alchemy or summoning ice storms, I still marveled at this simple machine’s magic.

The once arduous task of preparing egg salad was completed in under a minute.  Cubing sausage or ham for omelets took mere seconds, allowing plenty of time to stare mouth agape at the Chop Wizard in awestruck wonder of its mincing capabilities.

Beside the usefulness of the razor-wielding little sorceror, it truly put the “fun” in functionality.  On many occasions I longed for a piece of black fabric that I could place over my head executioner-style as I thwacked the “guillotine” down on the bell pepper.  Or, if the contraption were turned sideways, I could pretend I was an extra in “Over the Top,” imagining  the resistance I felt was provided by a burly semi-professional arm wrestler, not a medium sized Granny Smith or McIntosh.

With all of the positive attributes of the device, it DID have two serious flaws — both with its design.

Here’s a picture of the Chop Wizard:

As you can see, the top of the Chop Wizard is hinged, and slams down on produce underneath it.  Unfortunately, the hinged top ALSO slams down on the plastic catch container.  Which, after a couple of uses, develops large fissures that run nearly the entire length of the storage base.

The other flaw is the “Achilles Fulcrum.”

Here’s another picture of the Wonderful Wizard of Chop:

This picture shows the fulcrum slightly better.  If you look on the far left, you will see that the top of the Chop Wizard (or as I like to call it, “The Slam Cap”) is connected to the base by two tiny plastic knobs that jut out from either side… like Herman Munster’s neck.

If enough pressure is put on these knobs, they’ll snap off.  I found that out the hard way.  One knob broke, throwing the mechanics all sorts of haywire.  This resulted in the Slam Cap forcefully walloping the previously cracked catch container.  The crack widened, splitting the container in two.

Of COURSE the container was full at the time of its rupture, spraying the kitchen counters and floor with tiny (yet completely identical) fragments of vidalia onion.

The irony of having the Vidalia Chop Wizard meet its demise at the hands (or bulbs) of a vidalia onion?  Made me smirk.

If you do purchase a Chop Wizard, don’t expect it to last more than a few months.

But DO expect to enjoy the hell out of it before it self-destructs in the messiest of ways.

Where to Buy: Vidalia Chop Wizard

Price: $19.95

Would Dumbledore even eat carrots? : Most likely not. He just eats a lot of every-flavored jelly beans. Maybe they have a carrot flavored bean? Hmmmm…