Review: the ped egg

Nothing says “foot shavings” quite like a sunflower, eh?

I have to admit that I’m a sucker for pretty much anything that can make a part of my body, no matter how insignificant, look better with a minimal amount of effort. If it can do the job for under ten bucks, then I’m drawn to like we’re opposite poles.

Still, above all I’m a rather snobby and particular consumer. I can be turned off by the slightest thing- ugly packaging, stupid name, cheesy commercials. Since we started using items for this site, I’ve had to suspend most of my prejudices in order to have anything to talk about because cheese is the name of the game in this industry. Even with my now-compromised values, my sickening attraction to beauty gizmos, and my frugal sensibility, I almost didn’t buy the Ped Egg because of something really minute and unimportant- the fake British accent of the product announcer. (I couldn’t find the female announcer version on YouTube, but the official site linked at the bottom of the page has a video with her version of the commercial…)

Let me just state something right off the bat: I don’t know for sure that the woman in the Ped Egg commercial is faking her accent. Hell, she could be from the merry stone streets of Kentish Town for all I know, bound and determined to embark on a lucrative career in infomercial voiceovers. But I don’t think so. There’s something about the way she pronounces her vowels that make me think she’s actually from somewhere like Cleveland or Milwaukee, and she’s attempting to imitate a British accent because the producer of the Ped Egg commercial thought it sounded glamorous or enticing and would make people more likely to slough dry skin off their feet en masse.

I have nothing against the Brits, truly. Some of my favorite men – I mean, some of my favorite things are British – like Cadbury bars and Bass Ale and The Clash and Robert Pattinson’s gorgeous face. And I love English accents in all dialects, I do. I love the way they say things like “poppet” and “let’s get a curry” and I love pretending I’m Eliza Doolittle (pre-Henry Higgins) by saying things like “I ain’t done nuvin’ wrong! I’m a good gurl, I am!” I just feel like it’s an insult to the good sense of the American public to try and pass off this sub-par accent as a means of making us want to buy a skin defoliator. If you’re really under the assumption that making something appear European will make it seem more luxurious and special then at least do it right. Kevin Costner coughed up a better accent in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Sheesh.

I did eventually get over my issues with the Ped Egg in order to purchase one, although I picked it up in my local pharmacy just in case their call center was staffed with people speaking in faux-Russian or Swedish accents and I ended up chucking the phone across the room before completing my order. I paid $9.99 for it, and because I live in Delaware there was no sales tax, so I felt pretty good about dropping less than a Hamilton on my purchase.

Now, as you can see in the commercial, apparently some people have really nasty, crusty feet. Honestly, I’ve never seen anyone’s feet look like a wedge of aged Parmesan, but I suppose it’s possible. Knowing that the Ped Egg claimed to be strong enough to transform snarled heels suffocating in calluses into silky smooth feet ready for sandal weather made me a little nervous. I wear mostly heels at work, flip flops all summer, and then slip-ons sans socks for most of the winter, so my feet take a moderate beating, but they don’t look like they’ve been attacked by a flesh eating dry skin virus, so I was apprehensive from the start. The commercial does say that the Ped Egg can be used on a balloon or a tomato without breaking or popping it, but since my skin isn’t made from lycopene or latex, that didn’t make me feel a whole lot better.

The Ped Egg is essentially a mini-cheese grater for feet that is designed to resemble an egg- if your imagination allows you to picture eggs as two dimensional objects. The “egg” opens in the middle to reveal a metal exfoliating grid that you rub along the heels and balls of your feet to remove any dead skin. The idea is that the rounded section that the grid sits in will catch all the tiny little skin shavings that come off your feet, and then you can just dispose of them and parade around in sandals for a few weeks until it’s time to grate – I mean exfoliate again.

I’ve used the Ped Egg a few times since buying it, in order to make sure I was giving a fair and balanced review, and I have to say that I’m basically impressed. It does pretty much what it claims to do, which is make your feet smooth by removing the dry skin. It’s not exactly salon quality, but it passes the Good Enough test for a fraction of the price. A couple of caveats if you choose to use the Ped Egg to obliterate your calluses:

1. The more you use the Ped Egg the more you’ll need to use the Ped Egg. Ladies, remember when you wanted to shave your legs for the first time, and your Mom said “Don’t do it! The hair will just come in darker and thicker and you’ll need to do it all the time!” Alas, such is true for the Ped Egg as well. It’s like dry skin knows you’re trying to defeat it and returns bigger and badder than ever. If you’re planning on using the Ped Egg, make sure you plan to use it consistently – this isn’t a one and done deal.

2.Soak ‘em. Your feet, that is. I’ve found that just like in the spa, if you soak your dogs in warm water and then just pat them dry before using the Ped Egg, it works much, much better. It also leads nicely into the third point which is:

3. Unless you want foot dandruff everywhere, hover over the tub. Yeah, only about half of the dead skin shavings end up in the little egg receptacle. The rest will end up on your floor, your lap, and who knows where else. That’s why I sit on the side of the tub after my aforementioned foot soak and do my business right there. Of course, the next time the plumber comes and finds our shower drain clogged with my sloughed off epidermis, I might have some explaining to do.

I’m pleased to write my first review on a happy note because The Ped Egg it worth the money, all things considered. It’s design makes it easy and quick to get the job done, and I am happy knowing I’m not at risk for having The Feet From The Black Lagoon. Score one for the fake Brits!

Where to Buy:Ped Egg at Asseenontvandmore.com

Price: $10

Fake Brits: Check

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