I had always assumed, erroneously, that the penchant for buying ASOTV wares is like baldness… that it tends to skip a generation.
My grandparents, I’m sure, weren’t immune to the siren call of Geritol ads.
A little known fact is that nobody who owned a television set in the ’50s
had an iron deficiency. Coincidence? Doubtful.
Then, I don’t know how the pitchmen convinced the viewers that the product worked. Perhaps they enlisted the help of “X Men” villain Magneto to demonstrate the surplus of iron in the circulatory system… like he did with the poor Geritol-swilling security guard in the following video.
Perhaps I had this notion because my parents never ventured into the As Seen On TV rabbit hole.
Last Christmas, when Jess’s mom unwrapped her brand spankin’ new Snuggie, I realized that I was wrong about the whole generation-skip thing.
Little did I know, this was not the in-laws’ first foray into infomercialdom.
While bringing Christmas decorations up from their basement, I glanced over at a collection of puzzles and board games on a shelf near the stairs.
It’s a 3-D Statue of Liberty puzzle from Puzzle Plex!
Meaning Jess’s parents had at least a decade’s head start on taking the bait. Nice work!
Though I couldn’t find a video with a commercial for the product, it was mass manufactured by TeleBrands, and…
Here are my early thoughts on the Statue of Liberty puzzle.
The box indicates that it’s suitable for an eight year old.
Well, that makes me feel really fucking dumb.
I’ve been painstakingly rebuilding Lady Liberty one piece at a time, despite being tired and tempest-tost and yearning to breathe free. After three long weeks, here’s what I’ve completed:
There are several things I don’t really like about the puzzle.
First, unlike the wooden 3-D puzzles of today, this prototype is made from the same material that used to hold Big Macs in the less eco-friendly McDonald’s of yeasteryear.
Every piece seems to interlock with every other piece, which makes for difficult asembly, especially when every single piece is a shade of green or gray.
Another gripe is that the directions indicate that I should set aside every piece marked with red writing across it. What the…. why are those pieces included? Just to make life more difficult for me? To make me want to curl up into a fetal ball (aka a huddled mass)?
It seems that fully 3/4 of the puzzle pieces have some red writing on them… but some MUST be vital to starting the puzzle. I’m trying to put together Ellis Island (the only part of the puzzle that isn’t greenish gray), and the pieces just aren’t interlocking. I don’t think that Jess’s mom, meticulous as she is, would have misplaced any pieces of the puzzle. In fact, I believe she said that if I lost any of the puzzle, she’d cut me. Though I don’t think she’d make good on the threat… or hire a hitman…. I still would prefer not to incur her wrath.
And, there are…. theoretically…. unique corner blocks with Finished Edge Construction… whatever that may mean.
So far as I can tell, there are pieces that should bend to create corners.
I think an example would be the torch. Here ’tis:
Now, the torch is supposed to fold in half, I guess, creating some sort of 3 Dimensional effect… but there’s no crease in the pieces, and I don’t want to break a corner block in half accidently, because then Jess’s mom would REALLY be mad.
Well, I’m not one to give up easily. For example, I let that Russian dude punch me in the face repeatedly, until I could barely slur “Yo, Adrian…,” without allowing Duke to throw in the towel.
I’m going to keep plugging away at the puzzle.
Something tells me I’ll be writing part two in a few months, and that I won’t be much closer to finishing.
Stupid corner blocks.
Where to Buy: You’re kidding, right? This is from ’96. Here’s a website where it was offered at one time.
Price: It’s going on Ebay for fifty bucks. You may be able to borrow it from your In-laws for free.
Your Mother-in-Law didn’t actually threaten to cut you, did she?: I believe the word she used was actually slice.