When I was in the seventh grade, I regularly attended church with my Dad. At the time, I had a pair of worn black loafers that were tighter than Scrooge McDuck’s purse strings during a recession.
Because they were constricting enough to cause ingrown toenails, I required a shoehorn to force those puppies on.
A couple of decades have passed, along with my need for shoehorns.
I no longer wear loafers. Even if I did own a pair, I’d be sure to have a set closer to the size of my actual foot, erring on the larger side. And, I have a couple of things that are all too often overlooked or taken for granted in the process of donning shoes.
Shoedini is a telescoping shoehorn that helps you to slip on flats, heels, and dress shoes with ease.
(Yes. That is Gilbert Gottfried in the voiceover. I’m very, very sorry.)
The package and commercial both claim that no straining, reaching, or bending is required in slipping on shoes.
So, I figured I’d test out how valid these claims are by having both knees surgically removed prior to putting the product to the test.
Nah, I’m kidding. But, I did temporarily take away the ability to bend my knees. With Jessica watching and laughing and snapping pictures, I placed a broom handle down the right leg of my pants, and the Gopher II Reaching Tool down the left leg. With these two objects placed directly over the patella, I lost all ability to bend, like Arjen Robben from the Nederland squad kicking the ball during the finals against Spain.
The moment I stuck a broom down my pants to the second I triumphantly navigated my foot into each of my shoes — without the use of my knees — was much shorter a time frame than I’d anticipated. So, the Shoedini does work surprisingly well for its simple premise.
Then, if I really couldn’t bend my knees at all, I’m pretty sure I’d be rocking a Hoveround Power Chair, and probably wouldn’t wear shoes any longer.
It’s doubtful I’ll be using the Shoedini again for its intended purpose. But, maybe I can find a decent alternate use for it…
Letting Winston know that I have a shoehorn on a stick, and that I mean business.
Where to Buy: Official Shoedini Website
Price: $14.99 + S & H
You wouldn’t really put a laxative in your friend’s drink when they weren’t looking, would you?: How childish do you think I… *tee hee* I just farted… am?