Review: grater plater

Everything about the Grater Plater subliminally cried out, “Please take me home for five dollars.”

Sasha Harris is less subtle in her pleas to be taken home for a five-spot.

First, it was on sale. I’m big on sales, especially since we have approximately 1,400 more As Seen On TV products to review. If we can save five bucks every now and again, that’ll come in handy when we want to buy more bargain ASOTV wares… or hire Sasha Harris for a few hours.

Second, this ceramic Godsend was lauded by two different pitchmen. No shit. Both Billy Mays and Anthony Sullivan gave the Grater Plater a thumbs up. And, coming from the men who endorsed The Awesome Auger and Point N’ Paint, the Grater Plater was almost certain to have a near 50% chance of working somewhat reliably.

Because there are two different commercials for the Grater Plater, I’ll embed both videos. THE TOP VIDEO WILL FEATURE BILLY MAYS!!!! Feel free to pick and choose which video you’d like to watch. Or watch one following the other. Or, you could press play on both videos at the same time and listen to both salesmen deliver the same script in near-unison, which I’m assuming would be like listening to that Flaming Lips album “Zaireeka”.

The dish I bought looks similar to the plates in the video, except, rather than pale blue, my purchase looks like it came from the kitchen of whoever designed the Dawson era “Family Feud” set.

Show me “Yellow Floral Nightmare…” Number one answer!

The design is simple enough.  A teeny circular dish with a slew of ridges, making it look vaguely like the scalp of a Klingon.

According to the English-Galactic translator (isn’t the Internet a wonderful place?), this alien being likely uses the phrase “jIH laH tlhej wIj nach.” There’s no direct translation for “grate cheese,” though, which is unfortunate.

Because it’s so small, the claim that you can grate and serve in the same dish doesn’t take into account that most of the cooking that I do requires about 10 times more cheese than that dinky platter could hold.

This also presupposes that the Grater Plater actually has the ability to grate things.

Truth told, I think I’d have more success grating cheese by rubbing a block of mild cheddar along Worf’s forehead.

Though he always looks pissed off when I do that. Maybe he’s lactose intolerant?

But, all is not a total loss.

The Grater Plater came with a little rubber garlic peeler.  Simply press down firmly on the garlic, roll it, and the skin comes off faster than Lindsay Lohan’s clothing after a couple cans of Old Milwaukee.

This would be beneficial, if we didn’t own a microwave.

Popping a few cloves of garlic in the nuker for 10-13 seconds will completely and cleanly take off the outer layer.  This is a valuable tip I learned from Rachael Ray, which helps to offset my urge to punch her in the face every time she says “E.V.O.O.”

If I think about it for a while, I’m sure I can come up with a practical application for a hollow tube that things can be rolled in.

Can’t think of any use for it off the top of my head. No, sirree. Not a one.

And, the small dish was the perfect size to hold The Graty. So, it was serviceable, after all.

Where to Buy: Official Grater Plater Website: The Plate That Grates

Price: $10.00 + S & H

Speaking of Klingons, did you ever hear the song “Duet With a Klingon” by Carla Ulbrich?: I have! I love that song! Here’s a link to it. Enjoy!