Review: blendy pens

Blendy Pens.

I can think of two reasons why this product has a misleading name.

First, “pens.”

We picked up a ten pack of these color-fusion mini pens through an online store. I was excited about the purchase, because it would, in theory, give us ten additional pens to try not to lose.

Jess and I have a habit of grabbing a pen — to write up a grocery list, or sign a check, or fill out a crossword puzzle — and then… who knows? Maybe when we move the couch, we’ll find nine thousand pens underneath.

Or, perhaps a closer examination of Winston’s stool would reveal chunks of blue Papermate ballpoints.

For whatever reason, our pen retention rate over the past few years has been damn near zero.

Last month, because of our known troubles safekeeping writing instruments, I bought a box of a million bajillion pens from our local BJ’s.

I’m not making up the Wholesale Club’s unfortunate name. I suppose “HJ’s” was already taken…

Within four days, the entire box had disappeared. A million bajillion pens is an indubitable assload of plastic and ink. And it vanished. Thin air. Poof.

Our endtable. Like the Bermuda Triangle, but with a higher number of pens mysteriously disappearing within its confines

What we actually received was a set of ten teensy magic markers and five “fusion chambers” — thin, hollow plastic tubes that each held a pair of markers, which could be easily interchanged.

That’s where the “blendy” part enters the equation.

When any two markers are clicked into the chamber and twisted, they’re “blended,” which is a fancy way of saying cross-contaminated. Their tips touch, as if the markers were two gentlemen in adjoining stalls at a rest stop bathroom arriving at the glory hole simultaneously.

So, were our color combinations “like magic?”

Let’s have a look

Ehrm…. well, the blue marker picked up some red. There’s a hint of purple action going on there. But, not a trace of blue on the red marker. Odd….

Here’s a second blend:

Yeah. Nothing.

Then, there were combinations that we didn’t even attempt, because we knew they’d look like total shit. Black and pink never combine well.

We did try creating a great big bunch of new and exciting shades and hues…

If we’re lucky, we could pass off our multi-colored doodle on spiral notebook paper as a Willem De Kooning original.

Where to Buy: We couldn’t find an official site. But, you can order Blendy Pens online here.

Price: $15.73 + S & H

Why hasn’t your Blendy Pen masterpiece, tentatively titled “Pheasant Hunting in Kansas at Dawn,” been sold to the Museum of Modern Art for tens of thousands of dollars?: Beats the hell out of us. It’s also better than this Jackson Pollock garbage:

 

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