Cryptogram contest — win our t-shirt!

A good day and happy post-Thanksgiving to you, oh awesome reader!

We’ve decided to hold another contest, with the winner receiving their choice of any item in our Cafe Press store!

Jess and I rocking We Took The Bait T-shirts

Beer stein that Dan (AKA BeerDawg) won in our last contest.

The game/timewaster this time around is a series of cryptogram puzzles.

Cryptograms, for those not in the know, are a simple substitution puzzle, where each letter of the alphabet is represented by a different letter.

For example, the encrypted text XZFZTP EU UN VBZUNTZ, when solved, reads “Jeremy is so awesome.” In the puzzle, Z represents E, U represents S, etc.

The pattern remains consistent within a single puzzle, but will not carry over into another puzzle. So, if X = R in puzzle one, every X can be replaced with an R.  But, in puzzle two, X does not necessarily = R.

There are a dozen puzzles, each an encoded opening to a pitch for an As Seen On TV product.  To help out, the name of the product appears in bold print.

Puzzles can be solved in any order, and you can solve as many or as few as you’d like.

Please leave a comment with a) the number of the puzzle you’ve deciphered and b) your solution.

If solving multiple puzzles, please leave a separate comment for each.

The contest will continue until a) all 12 puzzles have been decoded or b) 12:01 AM on Monday, Dec. 27th, whichever comes first.

The first person to leave a comment with a correct answer will get a chance at winning our “grand” prize.

Good luck, and happy solving!

1. (solved by csiunatc) = US  WPN  GDZC  KIPNTAC  ICJCJTCIUBF  EGDK  WPN  RPB ‘ K  EIUKC  RPEB, BPE  KGCIC ‘ Q  DB  CDQW  EDW  KP ICJCJTCI  CZCIWKGUBF.  UK ‘ Q  YDAACR  JW  AUA’  ICJUBRCI, KGC  RUFUKDA  ZPUYC  ICYPIRCI  KGDK  ICYPIRQ  EUKGPNK  KDHC. = IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING WHAT YOU DON’T WRITE DOWN, NOW THERE ‘S AN EASY WAY TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING. IT’S CALLED MY LIL’ REMINDER, THE DIGITAL VOICE RECORDER THAT RECORDS WITHOUT TAPE.

2.  (solved by csiunatc) NK  HQT  SMLU  M  SMXJ  YNEU  ZMDWNFB  QX  BUYYNFB  MXQTFJ  NF  HQTX  SQTAU,  HQT  FUUJ  M  SQLUXQTFJ  OQZUX  GSMNX.  HQT ‘ DD  RU  MRDU  YQ  BQ  YQ  YSU  EMDD,   ODMH  ZNYS  YSU BXMFJWNJA,  LNANY  KXNVFJA  MFJ  KMENDH,  MFJ  JQ  MDD  YSU  YSNFBA  HQT  DQLUJ  YQ  JQ. = IF YOU HAVE A HARD TIME WALKING OR GETTING AROUND IN YOUR HOUSE, YOU NEED A HOVEROUND POWER CHAIR. YOU’LL BE ABLE TO GO TO THE MALL, PLAY WITH THE GRANDKIDS, VISIT FRIENDS AND FAMILY, AND DO ALL THE THINGS YOU LOVED TO DO.

3.  (solved by 00dozo) — AMRZ  PW  CWB  PW  VQ  CWB  NGZ  R  HOVKK  KVUG  ZMVH  RKK  WLGE  CWBE  UVZXMGT  QKWWE?  ZMVH VH  R  AMWKG  XRT  WQ  HWPR.  V ‘ KK  ZGKK  CWB… CWB  EGRXM  QWE  ZMG  HJREZ  JWO. = What do you do if you get a spill like this all over your kitchen floor? This is a whole can of soda. I’ll tell you … you reach for the Smart Mop.

4.   (solved by csiunatc) = XFJ ‘ P  BCTPD  UFJDI  FJ  LFRJPQDTT  CNNQSCJLDT.  JFB  PVDHD ‘ T  PVD  KSA  KFTT  AHSQQ, PVD  CUCGSJA LFRJPDHPFN  LFFMDH  PVCP  AFDT  ZHFU  C  AHSQQ  PF  C  AHSXXQD  PF  C  BCZZQD  SHFJ,  DODJ  PF  C  TCJXBSLV  UCMDH  ERSLMQI  CJX  DCTSQI. = DON’T WASTE MONEY ON COUNTLESS APPLIANCES. NOW THERE’S THE BIG BOSS GRILL, THE AMAZING COUNTERTOP COOKER THAT GOES FROM A GRILL TO A GRIDDLE TO A WAFFLE IRON, EVEN TO A SANDWICH MAKER QUICKLY AND EASILY.

5.  (solved by csiunatc) JAG  HCO  NCPVYJPYZH  ZCCLDPT  QCA  J  VSJAX  LPDQG,  YSJY  NJP  NOY?  UGZZ, PCU  YSGAG’V  CPG  LPDQG USCVG  VSJAXPGVV  DV  TOJAJPYGGI  YC  ZJVY.  DPYACIONDPT  HCVSD  FZJIG,  YSG  NGAJRDN  LPDQG YSJY  VYJHV  AJECA  VSJAX,  TOJAJPYGGI.  YSDV  CPG  DV  TCDPT  YC  FG  JV  VSJAX  CP  IJH  QDMG  SOPIAGI  JV  DY  UJV  CP  IJH  CPG  COY  CQ  YSG  FCB. = ARE YOU CONSTANTLY LOOKING FOR A SHARP KNIFE, THAT CAN CUT? WELL, NOW THERE’S ONE KNIFE WHOSE SHARPNESS IS GUARANTEED TO LAST. INTRODUCING YOSHI BLADE, THE CERAMIC KNIFE THAT STAYS RAZOR SHARP, GUARANTEED. THIS ONE IS GOING TO BE AS SHARP ON DAY FIVE HUNDRED AS IT WAS ON DAY ONE OUT OF THE BOX.

6.  (solved by csiunatc) BNVJ  ENXP  TVM  OKWV  BCGGCYXIME  YICZRCHD  XT  MN  OCJ  GKWNPCMV  JTNM?  HNQ  ENX  YKH  DCWV  OCZ  K  IVD  XT  QCMO  BNDDE  JMVTJ,  MOV  ICMMIV  JMKCPJ  MOKM  IVM  OCZ   DN  XT  KHB  BNQH  QCMO  VKJV. = DOES YOUR PET HAVE DIFFICULTY CLIMBING UP TO HIS FAVORITE SPOT? NOW YOU CAN GIVE HIM A LEG UP WITH DOGGY STEPS, THE LITTLE STAIRS THAT LET HIM GO UP AND DOWN WITH EASE.

7.  (solved by csiunatc) PQK  FAW  KTHPQQPEEKV  UQFYRL  UA  QKPV  P  EYTMBK  TKRW?  VA  UNAEK  QKPVYRL  LBPEEKE  TPOK  FAW  JKKB  ABVKQ  UNPR  FAW  QKPBBF  PQK?  SKBB,  RAS  FAW  IPR  EKK  BYOK  P  NPSO  SYUN  UNK   PTPCYRL  RKS  ORYLNUNPSO  MKR,  P  JYRK  SQYUYRL  YREUQWTKRU  UNPU  PBEA  IARUPYRE  P  TPLRYJFYRL  LBPEE  PRV  B. K. V. BYLNU  PBB  YR  ARK. = ARE YOU EMBARRASSED TRYING TO READ A SIMPLE MENU? DO THOSE READING GLASSES MAKE YOU FEEL OLDER THAN YOU REALLY ARE? WELL, NOW YOU CAN SEE LIKE A HAWK WITH THE AMAZING NEW KNIGHTHAWK PEN, A FINE WRITING INSTRUMENT THAT ALSO CONTAINS A MAGNIFYING GLASS AND L. E. D. LIGHT ALL IN ONE.

8.   (solved by csiunatc) GIM  AKF  KCM  KX  RBM  ZHVVHKCQ  RBGR  GIM  DFHVRA  KX  YIHEHCD  NBHVM  RGVJHCD  KC  AKFI  LMVV  UBKCM?  CKN  RBMIM ‘ Q  RBM  PFUHRMI  PGLJ,  RBM  ZKQR  LKCEMCHMCR  BGCYQ – XIMM  YMEHLM  XKI  GCA  LMVV  UBKCM,  DFGIGCRMMY. = 8. ARE YOU ONE OF THE MILLIONS THAT ARE GUILTY OF DRIVING WHILE TALKING ON YOUR CELL PHONE? NOW THERE’S THE JUPITER JACK, THE MOST CONVENIENT HANDS-FREE DEVICE FOR ANY CELL PHONE, GUARANTEED.

9.   (solved by csiunatc) UJMTFX…. GAFH  BDS  LSI  DH  IAJI  XUFFOFUFXX  MCFXX,  GAJI ‘ X  IAF  YTCXI  IATHN  IAJI  XITPWX  DSI?  DSC  JCVX  JCF  IAF  LCDRUFV  JCFJ  IAJI  GF  HFOFC  XFFV  ID  RF  JRUF  ID  YTHM  IAF  XDUSITDH  YDC…. SHITU  HDG, GTIA  IAF  XAJWF  GFTNAI.  XAJWF  GFTNAI  TX  IAF  YUJR  RSXITHN  RCFJWIACDSNA  IAJI  ICTVX  BDSC  JCVX  JHM  XAJLFX  BDSC  XADSUMFCX  JI  IAF  XJVF  ITVF. = 9. LADIES… WHEN YOU PUT ON THAT SLEEVELESS DRESS, WHAT’S THE FIRST THING THAT STICKS OUT? OUR ARMS ARE THE PROBLEM AREA THAT WE NEVER SEEM TO BE ABLE TO FIND THE SOLUTION FOR… UNTIL NOW, WITH THE SHAKE WEIGHT. SHAKE WEIGHT IS THE FLAB BUSTING BREAKTHROUGH THAT TRIMS YOUR ARMS AND SHAPES YOUR SHOULDERS AT THE SAME TIME.

10.  (solved by csiunatc) NJVTH  YM  AZJSSJKP  MYYH  JK  WYFV  SUZ  UKH  ZUJKMFSSW  XFKRXJKP  YLTV  NXUN  YSH-MUAXJYKTH  N.L.  NVUW?  ANYZ!  JKNVYHFRJKP  NXT  NUEST-DUNT,  U  VTLYSFNJYKUVW  ZVYHFRN  NXUN  DUCTA   IXUNTLTV  WYF ‘ VT  HYJKP  DYVT  RYDMYVNUEST.   BFAN  AJN  EURC,  VTSUQ,  UKH  ASJHT  NXT  NUEST  VJPXN  FZ  NY  WYF. = 10. TIRED OF SPILLING FOOD IN YOUR LAP AND PAINFULLY HUNCHING OVER THAT OLD-FASHIONED T.V. TRAY? STOP! INTRODUCING THE TABLE-MATE, A REVOLUTIONARY PRODUCT THAT MAKES WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING MORE COMFORTABLE. JUST SIT BACK, RELAX, AND SLIDE THE TABLE RIGHT UP TO YOU.

11.   (solved by csiunatc) AZHSEJ ‘ U  LZH  SZRY  W  EYSNXNZHG  YOO  QTYWIBWGU,  QHU  WTY  BZTXYE  UZ  GYUUSY  BZT  DHJI  BZZE  NJGUYWE?  NJUTZEHXNJO  YOOAWRY,  UCY  WPWVNJO  JYA  ENGXZRYTL  UCWU  SYUG  LZH  XZZI  UCY  BWGUYGU,  CYWSUCNYGU  YOOG  YRYT  TNOCU  NJ  LZHT  PNXTZAWRY. = 11. WOULDN’T YOU LOVE A DELICIOUS EGG BREAKFAST, BUT ARE FORCED TO SETTLE FOR JUNK FOOD INSTEAD? INTRODUCING EGGWAVE, THE AMAZING NEW DISCOVERY THAT LETS YOU COOK THE FASTEST, HEALTHIEST EGGS EVER RIGHT IN YOUR MICROWAVE.

12.  (solved by Ian C — My Twist News) XNC  QLJ  NCXSQ  ZL  DXZDG  LYC  LU  ZGC  GLZZCRZ  ZLQR  MY  XVCNMDX?  MYZNLSJDMYB  ZGC  MYDNCSMPKC  GLFCN  SMRD,  ZGC  XVXAMYB  UKQMYB  ZLQ  ZGMR  BNXFMZQ – SCUQMYB  RXJDCN  MR  RL  DLLK.  QLJ ‘ FC  YCFCN  RCCY  XYQZGMYB  UKQ  KMTC  X GLFCN  SMRD. = are you ready to catch one of the hottest toys in america? Introducing the incredible hover disc, the amazing flying toy this gravity – defying saucer is so cool. you‘ve never seen anything fly like a hover disc

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